18th of April, 2007

surprisingly,yesterday wasnt fun.It sucked.and oh boy,I was totally horrified by the sum of anger that built up in me towards him. At first I wanted to keep all the anger within but I just can't help it I just let it all out.I was angry when he doesnt reply my msgES.I was angry when he didnt ask me abt my day.I was angry when he didnt really call or text me.I was angry when I called him and he said he's out with his friend.I was angry when he asked if i am angry or not.

like, D-U-H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does it EVEN ticks in his brain??

Argh GUYS,MEN,THE SUPERIOR KIND OF HUMAN BEING. they just cant get it right in their head! It is all about them,them and them.

"I just want to spend time with my friends."
"I am tired after match."
"I was doing assignment."

THAT'S BULL! I can even reply msges when i am showering,IF the HP is waterproof! When i take a shit,when im in discussion,when im in class,when im driving,when im in church u dammit!

Guys are just so plain fcking ignorant!

So yea,I am tired of making excuses for him. So i told him i will give him 2 days by himself and I wont contact him within that time.And I will msg him back IF I REMEMBER TO DO SO!

He said he was just trying to test me. WTF he thinks i am? a lab rat? He's just trying to make me angry and CONGRATS,he did it!

I told him I can forget people easily,LETS TRY THAT ON HIM,SHALL WE?

U FKCER I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU. TOLD YOU NOT TO GET ON MY NERVES!

I'VE GOT TAGGED.

Aaron my dearest ex housie has tagged me. okay, 5 obssession issit?
in random order,

1. Dawn- I'm not revealing his name due to some circumstances(his ex girlfriend who is attached to somebody I know).He's by far,the most amazing person I know,I cant even tell you
how I fell for him and when did I fall for him because I just dont have the answer. He's
everything to me and he is a beautiful person.A little annoying and a pain in the ass,
but i love him anyways.

2. Nail polish - Those who knows me well know this.I am sickly addicted with nail polish. I have
wide range of nail polishes at all shades and some are already expired,had to
throw them away. I can count days I've had without nail polish on my nails.

3. my mobile - I go everywhere with it.EVERYWHERE.

4. BARIO - i go there EVERY chance i get and when i'm there,I just refused to go back to Miri.
I talk about bario highly as if its heaven and I talk about bario to everyone I know.
Now all my malaya friends wana go to Bario. I am just a proud Kelabit from Bario.

5. Self-destruction - knowing myself for almost 20 years,and looking back at my past, as
pathetic as it sounds,yes,i am self destructive. Done.

I'll tag Aysha, Karen, Aida, Meck and Izza.

HEY YOU GUYS ARE TAGGED!

TODAY!

today,17th of April 2007, i feel like I am in love with him all over again.Its like i just knew him last night and his last message means so much to me,and I felt asleep with the happy thoughts of him and I together.It is not those 3 words-those 3 words that are often said, but a line of amazing awesome beautiful words that will always be close to my heart.

Despite the distance,for once,i felt the overwhelming feelings that we both share,and for once,I felt totally loved by my adorable Mr.Dawn.

I know,tomorrows might have heartbreaks,but I will always remember today,when I woke up and knowing that you are mine.

Mr.Dawn, thanks for being patient all this while.Thanks for being patient with my horrible mood swings. Thanks for every smile you put on my face.Thanks for those addictive laughs that inspire mine.Thanks for each tears and heartbreaks,for those are what that makes me realise how important you are to me.. Thanks for trusting me,despite your trust issue.Thanks for allowing yourself to believe in me,and believe in us whenever I lose faith. Thanks for everything.Thanks for being you.

heart you,infinity.

Of Glamourous Night and Shits.

The Pre law dinner was nice.It's fun to watch the girls with their attires and surprisingly they look gorgeous,becasue I didnt expect them to dress up that much for the dinner(due to the name of the venue:Swiss Inn,I imagine a lousy inn.LOL) but their efforts to look good is overwhelming,they even had this shuffling session and i was completely dumbfounded to see the guy in white shuffling.He was GREAT!! I nearly eat my own words whenever I think back about that night.

Last night both of my hps were attacked by virus and went crazy.I was in total bad mood since evening(lack of sleep and horribly tired) then I tried to call him but to no avail.Then when I FINALLY able to reach him,he was angry at me and I swear he was half shouting at me.I feel like crying when I heard his tone.Fck. I was worried about him.He's not completely healthy yet,those wounds havent recovered and nearly 48 hours of no news abt him is more than enough to make me crazy and he's like blaming me for not being understanding enough.

Then this fucking virus attacked my hp and I cant do anything abt it other than reformating. So all those msges are gone.theyre not only msges,they're memories of my happier days, they make me feel better when I feel so insecure,they store back my faith in him... and now theyre gone and I am left with nothing. What am I supposed to do?

Maybe theyre holding me back from moving on..

Egh,Guys,men...will never understand.....

I BELONG TO ME...

"I belong to me,
I don't belong to you,
My heart is my possesion
I'll be my own reflection
I dont belong to you..."

Ive been playing dat song in my mind over n over again since i heard it this morning. A very meaningful song. Love is a wonderful feeling.Who can resist the feeling of being loved,being taken care of,being missed all the time..and having someone who means so much as someone that can be depended on..

I love to be in love and be loved.

I just hate those excruciating heartbreaks in the end.When promises are just left broken. When dreams are unreachable.When memories are fading away.

SUCKS.

LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE OTHERS. Dont let people change the way you are. Dont let people make you feel down about yourself.

MR dawn's unlucky day.

Today is a good day.NOT GREAT,but it doesn't SUCK either! so Hallelujah!

Dawn involved in a self accident.He was NOT sober when riding his motorcycle.I TOLD HIM LIKE A GAZILLION TIMES TO BE CAREFUL.He tried to call me but I was too stupid to leave my hp in the room.And i feel so fcking guilty.

I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE'S ALIVE AND BREATHING.despite the bruises and scratches on his arms.He's taking his medicines religiously but afraid to put the ointment on.

He might lose his life if the car from behind didn't stop.He might be gone.THOSE THOUGHTS i have in my twisted crazy mind is horrible.I can't sleep whenever I imagining him when the accident happends. He's lucky to be able to walk still.

I just wish I can be there with him.At least I can force him to put those excruciating ointment on.and kisssssssssssss the pain awayyyyyyyyy!

ME today.

HELLO! *waves* <--indicator that i am in a pretty good mood.wtvs.

Anyways,Yesterday I went for a shopping sphree at Queensbay,new mall in Penang.Loaded with some real money to spend especially for the ever-so-glamorous dinner.So much to glam myself for a dinner in this *censored* shythole. HUEHUEHUEHUE.

I nearly got cross-eyed just by looking at those blings-blings.I love the Diva(the name of the shop). I will go back to that shop and bring my dad(or without) and his crdt card and buy those shits I want.And my dad will kill me for buying uneccesary things. THE END.

OH wait,that is not "UNNECCESARY" things. I mean HEL-LOOO!!!! WE ARE GIRLS,and accesories are like,oxygen!or FOOD.! or clothes!

We got back from penang,30 minutes after the goddamn UITM KEDAH curfew(10 pm??!!) like, WHAT THE FUCK?? I swear if i have like 1gazilions of money I will not go back and check into the 5 star hotel(insert the name of the hotel here) and go back only the next day.

OR better,enroll to another uni.

I miss watching Grey's anatomy.They sell the series in Speedy but its for rm249.90. I rather buy a dozen of Vincci pumps and flats and stilettos.

And I dont really like the heels that I bought because they're just 2.5 inch. URGHHHHHHHH!

AND i love those motherfckingly gorgeous heels in ALDO. too bad the price is totally out of my range.and the amount of money I have is insufficient to buy them.


OKAY THAT'S ALL!

(this post is obviously trying to distract myself from writing one about my pathetic love-life).

DAAAAAAAAAAAAA~