Sacred.Tangled.Enigma.Fetishes

18th of April, 2007

2007-04-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

surprisingly,yesterday wasnt fun.It sucked.and oh boy,I was totally horrified by the sum of anger that built up in me towards him. At first I wanted to keep all the anger within but I just can't help it I just let it all out.I was angry when he doesnt reply my msgES.I was angry when he didnt ask me abt my day.I was angry when he didnt really call or text me.I was angry when I called him and he said he's out with his friend.I was angry when he asked if i am angry or not.

like, D-U-H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does it EVEN ticks in his brain??

Argh GUYS,MEN,THE SUPERIOR KIND OF HUMAN BEING. they just cant get it right in their head! It is all about them,them and them.

"I just want to spend time with my friends."
"I am tired after match."
"I was doing assignment."

THAT'S BULL! I can even reply msges when i am showering,IF the HP is waterproof! When i take a shit,when im in discussion,when im in class,when im driving,when im in church u dammit!

Guys are just so plain fcking ignorant!

So yea,I am tired of making excuses for him. So i told him i will give him 2 days by himself and I wont contact him within that time.And I will msg him back IF I REMEMBER TO DO SO!

He said he was just trying to test me. WTF he thinks i am? a lab rat? He's just trying to make me angry and CONGRATS,he did it!

I told him I can forget people easily,LETS TRY THAT ON HIM,SHALL WE?

U FKCER I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU. TOLD YOU NOT TO GET ON MY NERVES!

I'VE GOT TAGGED.

2007-04-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

Aaron my dearest ex housie has tagged me. okay, 5 obssession issit?
in random order,

1. Dawn- I'm not revealing his name due to some circumstances(his ex girlfriend who is attached to somebody I know).He's by far,the most amazing person I know,I cant even tell you
how I fell for him and when did I fall for him because I just dont have the answer. He's
everything to me and he is a beautiful person.A little annoying and a pain in the ass,
but i love him anyways.

2. Nail polish - Those who knows me well know this.I am sickly addicted with nail polish. I have
wide range of nail polishes at all shades and some are already expired,had to
throw them away. I can count days I've had without nail polish on my nails.

3. my mobile - I go everywhere with it.EVERYWHERE.

4. BARIO - i go there EVERY chance i get and when i'm there,I just refused to go back to Miri.
I talk about bario highly as if its heaven and I talk about bario to everyone I know.
Now all my malaya friends wana go to Bario. I am just a proud Kelabit from Bario.

5. Self-destruction - knowing myself for almost 20 years,and looking back at my past, as
pathetic as it sounds,yes,i am self destructive. Done.

I'll tag Aysha, Karen, Aida, Meck and Izza.

HEY YOU GUYS ARE TAGGED!

TODAY!

2007-04-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

today,17th of April 2007, i feel like I am in love with him all over again.Its like i just knew him last night and his last message means so much to me,and I felt asleep with the happy thoughts of him and I together.It is not those 3 words-those 3 words that are often said, but a line of amazing awesome beautiful words that will always be close to my heart.

Despite the distance,for once,i felt the overwhelming feelings that we both share,and for once,I felt totally loved by my adorable Mr.Dawn.

I know,tomorrows might have heartbreaks,but I will always remember today,when I woke up and knowing that you are mine.

Mr.Dawn, thanks for being patient all this while.Thanks for being patient with my horrible mood swings. Thanks for every smile you put on my face.Thanks for those addictive laughs that inspire mine.Thanks for each tears and heartbreaks,for those are what that makes me realise how important you are to me.. Thanks for trusting me,despite your trust issue.Thanks for allowing yourself to believe in me,and believe in us whenever I lose faith. Thanks for everything.Thanks for being you.

heart you,infinity.

Of Glamourous Night and Shits.

2007-03-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

The Pre law dinner was nice.It's fun to watch the girls with their attires and surprisingly they look gorgeous,becasue I didnt expect them to dress up that much for the dinner(due to the name of the venue:Swiss Inn,I imagine a lousy inn.LOL) but their efforts to look good is overwhelming,they even had this shuffling session and i was completely dumbfounded to see the guy in white shuffling.He was GREAT!! I nearly eat my own words whenever I think back about that night.

Last night both of my hps were attacked by virus and went crazy.I was in total bad mood since evening(lack of sleep and horribly tired) then I tried to call him but to no avail.Then when I FINALLY able to reach him,he was angry at me and I swear he was half shouting at me.I feel like crying when I heard his tone.Fck. I was worried about him.He's not completely healthy yet,those wounds havent recovered and nearly 48 hours of no news abt him is more than enough to make me crazy and he's like blaming me for not being understanding enough.

Then this fucking virus attacked my hp and I cant do anything abt it other than reformating. So all those msges are gone.theyre not only msges,they're memories of my happier days, they make me feel better when I feel so insecure,they store back my faith in him... and now theyre gone and I am left with nothing. What am I supposed to do?

Maybe theyre holding me back from moving on..

Egh,Guys,men...will never understand.....

I BELONG TO ME...

2007-03-26T01:53:00.000-07:00

"I belong to me,
I don't belong to you,
My heart is my possesion
I'll be my own reflection
I dont belong to you..."

Ive been playing dat song in my mind over n over again since i heard it this morning. A very meaningful song. Love is a wonderful feeling.Who can resist the feeling of being loved,being taken care of,being missed all the time..and having someone who means so much as someone that can be depended on..

I love to be in love and be loved.

I just hate those excruciating heartbreaks in the end.When promises are just left broken. When dreams are unreachable.When memories are fading away.

SUCKS.

LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOVE OTHERS. Dont let people change the way you are. Dont let people make you feel down about yourself.

MR dawn's unlucky day.

2007-03-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day.NOT GREAT,but it doesn't SUCK either! so Hallelujah!

Dawn involved in a self accident.He was NOT sober when riding his motorcycle.I TOLD HIM LIKE A GAZILLION TIMES TO BE CAREFUL.He tried to call me but I was too stupid to leave my hp in the room.And i feel so fcking guilty.

I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE'S ALIVE AND BREATHING.despite the bruises and scratches on his arms.He's taking his medicines religiously but afraid to put the ointment on.

He might lose his life if the car from behind didn't stop.He might be gone.THOSE THOUGHTS i have in my twisted crazy mind is horrible.I can't sleep whenever I imagining him when the accident happends. He's lucky to be able to walk still.

I just wish I can be there with him.At least I can force him to put those excruciating ointment on.and kisssssssssssss the pain awayyyyyyyyy!

ME today.

2007-03-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

HELLO! *waves* <--indicator that i am in a pretty good mood.wtvs.

Anyways,Yesterday I went for a shopping sphree at Queensbay,new mall in Penang.Loaded with some real money to spend especially for the ever-so-glamorous dinner.So much to glam myself for a dinner in this *censored* shythole. HUEHUEHUEHUE.

I nearly got cross-eyed just by looking at those blings-blings.I love the Diva(the name of the shop). I will go back to that shop and bring my dad(or without) and his crdt card and buy those shits I want.And my dad will kill me for buying uneccesary things. THE END.

OH wait,that is not "UNNECCESARY" things. I mean HEL-LOOO!!!! WE ARE GIRLS,and accesories are like,oxygen!or FOOD.! or clothes!

We got back from penang,30 minutes after the goddamn UITM KEDAH curfew(10 pm??!!) like, WHAT THE FUCK?? I swear if i have like 1gazilions of money I will not go back and check into the 5 star hotel(insert the name of the hotel here) and go back only the next day.

OR better,enroll to another uni.

I miss watching Grey's anatomy.They sell the series in Speedy but its for rm249.90. I rather buy a dozen of Vincci pumps and flats and stilettos.

And I dont really like the heels that I bought because they're just 2.5 inch. URGHHHHHHHH!

AND i love those motherfckingly gorgeous heels in ALDO. too bad the price is totally out of my range.and the amount of money I have is insufficient to buy them.

OKAY THAT'S ALL!

(this post is obviously trying to distract myself from writing one about my pathetic love-life).

DAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

A TRUE FRIEND.

2007-03-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

Over the years Ive been blessed with wonderful circle of friends.Friends I can count on,friends that listen,friends who help whatever they can.friends who understand me.

But now i feel so alone.maybe its this place(again) but i cant help feeling suffocated and alone whenever i feel down about something and i feel like i cant talk to anyone abt shits that happened.Maybe i distant myself from them.Maybe we're not like what we were before.Maybe the distance has its price.Maybe its work(assgnment,studies bla2) restrain us from catching up with each other's stories.Maybe its my fault,burdening ppl with my endless problems and it bores the hell out of them.MAYBE.

Just Maybe.

jerk

2007-03-14T19:48:00.001-07:00

Maybe it's me.Maybe I am running away. Or maybe he knows I'm leaving.Going away. All that shits.I just want him to know that all my feelings are real.I did have feelings for him.I do.But I just can't see US.

Yes I am leaving.

And it sucks more cos it MIGHT break his heart,but mine is already in pieces. I have no one to talk,and ppl i know feel so distant and unreachable.

I feel so unloved.and broke to even have a retail shopping therapy.

I AM CURSED.

Sorry dawn, I feel like a jerk but u're better off without me.

SANE

2007-03-12T02:07:00.001-07:00

I have done a post yday but there was a complication and I cant either save or post it.

SUCKER.

Anyways, I am in pain now.I mean the muscles of both of my legs are killing me,my back pain is becoming worst than yesterday and I cant sit still for more than 30 minutes. And to make it worst,I have a volleyball tournament this Friday. HA HA. n ping pong for the next weekend. (I also will be playing futsal this tuesday).

Today,ALL OF A SUDDEN,it R-A-I-N-E-D! I mean there is WATER coming out from the sky. LOTS OF WATER. And now I realised why it was so hot last night I feel like sleeping in a microwave.

Talking about Dawn,I really missed him.I don't know why I am becoming so emotionally attached to that annoying giant.

I dont knw what else to talk about.I guess I write better when Im less happier.Now that I am quite happy,I can't seem to write anything.

Is that a good thing? I have no idea.

But at least I AM STILL SANE!

2007-03-12T02:07:00.000-07:00

Trying to wake up a gentle monster.

2007-03-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

Dawn was asking me to wake him up for his morning class last night.So I agreed since I'll be awake by that time.

Yea,so I called him from 7.01 am.

and he didnt pick up the phone.

And I redialed.

still he didnt pick the phone up.

And I redialed for another 20 times.

It was already 7.20 a.m and he hasnt picked the phone up yet.

I showered.Then by 7.30 I tried for another 10 times.

AFTER the total of 30 calls,Finally he answered my call.

That was when I was already showered,ironed my bj kurung,put on my undergarments and put on my baju kurung.

GOSH! Its like me being Jack in the fairytale Jack and the Beanstalk,trying to wake the monster up.a TALL, NAUGHTY,STUBBORN,ANNOYING monster that injured his leg while playing football.Told him to sleep early but he never listens.He said being sober is boring(Cant deny that,booze makes times fly fast).

LOL.love him anyways.

WISH ME LUCK FOR TOMORROW MORNING.

A pussy!

2007-02-28T22:37:00.000-08:00

my head is overloaded from friendster-ing since 1100 hours.now its 1440 hours and i feel dizzy. I am tired.no i mean exhausted and my mind doesnt rest.I hate this stupid humid weather cos i will feel warm and that triggers my level of patience.

I will repeat this sentence again and again till you get sick of it : I HATE THIS PLACE.

I bet you guys know why.I will NEVER miss this place when i get my asses out of here. I will try my best not to even give ANY THOUGHTS about this place.I will forget that I ever been to this place and stayed for 1 and a half year. I will not reminisce about anything that I went through when I'm here.

I'll just pretend I don't know where the fck Kdh is.

I am hungry.and LACK OF SLEEP. I am looking forward to play basketball tonight. I will do my work this weekend,with the help of WIRELESS! muhahaaauhauahauhauahauaha.

I WILL NEVER LET PPL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRAP. i will make them feel like crap. like a piece of the biggest stinkiest crap!

i am sick of trying to live up to their expectations.I am sick of not being the one they have always wanted me to be.i am sick of trying to convince others to believe in my words(although i am not really telling the truth). I AM S-I-C-K.

THIS IS WHO I AM. I am a sickening paranoid bitch that worry about EVERY SINGLE THING.I am this person who need explainations when I can't figure it out. I am a green-eyed monster that tends to get jealous over little things.

I dont want to be a boring lawyer. I wanna be an English teacher that teaches in the RURAL AREA. I want to teach people that are eager to learn,not working with stupid sick minded ppl in the cities. I want to involve in charity,not gain money being a public prosecutor.I want to be free-spirited.
I dont need much money.I dont want big cars.

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.

I JUST WANT TO BE AN ENGLISH TEACHER.

TOO BAD I AM TOO PUSSY TO REACH MY DREAMS

HAIRCUT

2007-02-27T18:13:00.000-08:00

ASHA cut her hair!!!! SHE CUT HER LONG LOCKS!!C-U-T!! L-O-N-G!

She has gone nuts.She is a haircut-addict.She cant stand it if she didnt cut her hair for more than 6 months.

while I am regretting my decision of cutting my hair,she cut her hair with no regrets.

GOOD FOR HER.

Random but not so random

2007-02-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

i love myself

2007-02-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

Now everything is good.I can get control of myself and I dont really spend my time asking why things happened.

I dont have to explain things anymore. I am perfectly fine. not happy but okay.

and I LOVE MY NEW I-DONT-GIVE-A-DAMN attitude!

HURRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

ME today

2007-02-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

Right now I feel so....relax...

I feel calm and all sort of postive feelings.

WHY????

oh heck i dont even knw!!

iM HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

moderFCKLOVE.

2007-02-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

I had him to say it all out yesteryday.I had him to confess and tell me everything and answer every question that has been bugging me.

And he did.He tells me everything.He's quite a straight-foward person and,he did hurt me a little.But at least he's being honest and I really hate it if people lie to me,you know wat i mean? Those stupid motherfucking guys that says "I missed you so much,I still care about you, You still mean so much to me" and all that craps.I dont really like that kinda shits and I dont need it in my already messed-up life.Don't say it if you don't mean it.

Anyways,Did it makes me a happier person?

I think it did.Less mind-bugging thoughts.

I can't deny I have personal problems.Issues regarding my wrecked emotions.I am all over the place,and people that doesn't know me won't understand me.

I am a fool of love.And I kinda proved it.

Cos he makes me fall for him even deeper than I should. And he will be another sweet destruction.

GoodLuck for me.

in total denial

2007-02-10T22:28:00.000-08:00

LOL.Sometimes I feel like banging my own head against the wall. Sometimes I feel like laughing at myself till my stomach hurts.

Because I never seem to get it.I never seem to learn for my past,my mistakes that I have regretted so much,those memories I never want to repeat itself or cross my way EVER again.

BUT i still don't feel the pang of what that had made me so miserable before.

Why is it so difficult for me to change? Or at least change my perception towards things in life. Why I never give up on certain things that make me feel more and more vulnerable through the days?

I pity myself for not having a stand in life.Or having a stand in life but dont hold on to it. And the way that I dont do things which I think is the best way to be happier. Things I believe in,have so much faith in,but went against it just because Im afraid of NOT taking the chances.

I think I think too much.I worry about every single thing.I should learn to be more relaxed, more free-spirited,more optimistic.

Think happy thoughts.

I know sometimes we have to fall in order to stand up again. Love has taken its toll on me. And ONCE I make my mind up of LEAVING, I am dead serious and I will never look back EVER again.

Heh.Who am I kidding.

I almost chocked myself to death by laughing at myself when I typed that.

I know I would never "turn a new leaf".I know myself too well.

I overestimated myself.

I will always be suffocated in this never-ending denial. and those countless lame excuses I make up for him,and for me so I will feel better.

Till then.

Damn.

2007-02-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

As the saying goes "Sun will not always shines". I hate it when its right.

Blgh.My dreams of meeting him during the semester break just vanished into thin air when he told me he will be doing his practical in Sabah..S-A-B-A-H! Which is not in Sarawak!! and to make it worst,he'll be away for 8 weeks.2 freaking MONTHS.

DAMN IT!! I was totally excited to meet him during the holidays.Spending time with him and sharing the love... Now I found out that I can't. All the plans are ruined,and I really hate it when things don't go the way i want them to.

BUT,i am going against all odd.I am going to Sabah.Whatever it takes,I dont give a damn.

MODERFUCKS!!!

2007-02-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

I hate it.I hate her for existing in his life before me.I hate her for leaving such a deep wound in his heart that is almost impossible to cure.I hate her for being such an important person to ever be forgotten by him.

I want to be someone who means the world to him.I want him to be delighted whenever he thinks about me.I want to be the lullaby when he sleeps.I want to be the song when he sings. I want to be his comfort,his love,his hugs and kisses.

Actually,its kinda funny when I think back about this crap.How can I fell in love with a complete stranger,a person I never met in my life? How can I let a stranger gets the best of me and rips my sanity away?When did I go wrong? Why did I fell so fast?

Is it because he gave me a tender loving care I longed for all these while? Is he the man of my dreams?Is he the ONE?

Ive got too many unanswered questions.and they've been bugging me too much.

This person.My sayang,means so much to me.

Hubby,
I'll learn how to cook. I'll cook your favourite food.
I'll do the house chores if you want, although I wasnt really born to do that stuff.
I'll get myself a tattoo on my lower back,just because you think its sexy.
I'll keep my hair long just the way you like it.
I'll dye my hair black. I will never touch a cigarette again.
I will only drink alcoholic drinks whenever I'm with you,so that we can go crazy together.
I'll go back to Swk during holidays and drive all the way to get to you.

I lied before,and I will make up to it.
I will be there for you through thick and thin,sadness and happiness.
For better or worst.

I will make you the happiest person you can ever imagine.

I will be so much better. I promise you that.

XOXO.

of falling in love

2007-02-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

Ive been through shits when it comes to relationships. I hate broken promises and dreams that are left untouched.all those feelings that are left unsaid. shared memories,all those sweet nothings.

I hate it when because love is capable of making me to be who I'm not.I hate to be a weak person, I hate being sad.I hate feeling crappy.I hate the happiness that comes and goes.

Too bad im terrified of being alone too. blgh.

updates

2007-02-01T07:12:00.000-08:00

It has been so many days,i know.but i just cant seem to get myself to blog nowadays. prolly cos of my overload assignments and too much sleep. :)

i still dont have a life.SO SUE ME.. like,seriously man. I hate this place.This place makes me miss my mom even.Which is like,SO RARE.

WTV.so Yea,ive been occupying myself with this person who demands so much from me and I actually enjoy torturing myself too. so what,dats what I'm all about right,self-destruction and NOTHING ELSE.

I still feel like shit every now and then,but knowing that somebody out there is actually let his ego down and tell me that he cares(indirectly) is a supa dupa thing for me.and I'm Loving it.

THat's all. I hope you can read between the lines,since I can't really type down the exact words as not to offend others.

I'll get back to u if I have a Valentine or Not.

Probably will not,like always.

bitching session

2007-01-26T05:41:00.000-08:00

SO yea,I failed to entertain myself this time.Like always.

Got distracted for a while,but then I am BACK in my little miserable old world. *sigh*. Why is it my heart is so difficult to please?

Blgh.

You know, I hate it when someone in my past comes back in my life and trying to convince me that I still have feelings for him.You know,like "I missed you..Only now I realised that you are special to me.."

OH BLOOODY CRAP!

WE are so over that phase right?It's not working.EVER.

NO,it's not.

But you know,I am always bored,RIGHT?

LAYAN JAK LA HOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I missed my love kamikaze.and hate the same time,I hate him for making me having these feelings.and it makes me wanting him more.More than ever.

But then again, I'll get over him too.

BECAUSE I AM NOT READY TO GET ANOTHER MAJOR HEARTBREAK.I am sick of love.

2007-01-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Life SUCKS.

There.

I admit that I am always in constant denial.I always pretend that life is all awesome when actually its NOT.I always think that I still believe in the thing called LOVE,but the truth is i have lost my faith in that fucked up thing. I always end up screwing either my life,his life or both and that is not a good thing.I thought getting to know some guys and getting into a new relationship will eventually change my perception on love,but I guess it takes a lot more than that to make things go back to where it supposed to be.

Maybe I should leave it just like that,cos the more i think of it,the more it gets into my mind and twisting my brain.Maybe being with the person I love is not as good as being with the person that loves me.

Maybe it is never my mistake.Maybe when I let him know that he's my everything,he takes me for granted.

Maybe guys are naturally like that.Maybe when I am in love with him,I never realise or I never seem to care about those craps and in the end,I let it all get the best of me.

Maybe I am such a stupid person to cry over things that happened.Maybe I never learn from past experience.Maybe I JUST DON'T GET IT.

OH CRAP.

THIS IS JUST ONE DAMNED THING AFTER ANOTHER. I WILL GET OVER IT.

updates.

2007-01-22T00:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates.assignments, a 12000 words report and two 600 words reports have been such pain in the asses. I am suffocated by those never-ending workloads. HATE IT like,so fcking much.

LOL.but dats the opportunity cost of what I am going(hopefully) to be in a few years.

other than that,life's fun.

I FEEL SO LOVED. huahuahua.

FCKED UP.

2007-01-17T19:40:00.001-08:00

I think it's amazing how a person can be so fucking annoying,and it's FUCKED UP thing, BIG TIME.

I fucking hate that person.Hate him for putting that face of innocence.
I hate him for continously wishing me goodnight.
I hate him because he succeed in fooling me.
I hate him for not feeling the same way.
I hate him for not allowing me to forget him.
I hate him because he still wanders in my fucked up mind.
I hate him for still existing in my life.
I hate him because he still means so much to me.
and I hate myself for allowing him to do so.

In Your Blood.

2007-01-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

I can't stay over you.
It seems we drive forever but can never get away from here, just one more try.
I'm guessing you are over me, I guess it's bravery.
Because it's black out the window while you sleep in the passenger seat.
So when it's always on your mind but you never speak of the name.
It's in your blood and face and I'm certain it's fame.
So I stayed out in the car because the weather had gotten to me.
But its really these road signs and freeways that I cant take.
This can't be how you live.
It's like a ball and chain around your waist or this simple state.
Your mind's sick again.
I'm tasting nothing but 4 words, please don't leave me.
And it's Dark in the winter so your ideas start to sleep.
Well your head is spinning like that carousel, and I know you're a mess after 3 or 4.
But if you make it different then we'll make our way to the surface, and you favorite place. Where we sit, and we breath.
Because I know all the word and I sing you everything.
Well they're just thoughts so go ahead and speak.
Pick out what you like and call me when you're on the way.
You can spend the night and hope to sleep all day.
For me its just another week, twenty eight was once how I dreamed.
And with your sent on my face I can leave and have you for days.
I still can't see you. The summer came and we got lost, all of us.
I still wont remember your face, the features mix too well with this alcohol.
So we cover ourselves in your fear, and stay to watch that moon disappear under these lights. This city's screaming at me.
And as you breathe the words I better go.
The sun is up and taking back all the shadows that covered this ground, and our feet, like a blanket of coal.

NEW HAIRCUT

2007-01-15T00:27:00.000-08:00

OLD PICTURE.

was taken a few weeks ago,back when my hair was still longg..and unevenly coloured. my cascading brownish-black hair. LOL.

AFTER. chopped hair.layered and unruly. evenly coloured though. and more time to manage.

I HATE MY HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Same crap another day

2007-01-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

After only a few hours of sleep,due to the endless touch-ups and editing for the law assignment, at the moment I feel fatigue.Tiredness is overwhelming and I can barely seem stay focus during the 8.am class.

I hate my class.I can't seem to focus with him being in the same room and breathing the same air as me. I hate that innocent look of his. I hate it. I HATE it.

I admit I am a wreck.Sometimes I am all over the place.Sometimes I can't think straight,I don't know what I want.. blgh.

I NEED SOME MAJOR CHANGES.

Assignments within the 1st week.

2007-01-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

I am always looking forward to lab session because that is my only time to access Internet. The thing is I forgot to bring my memory card reader so that I can upload new pictures with my *ehem* new haircut. It sucks actually,cos I have to spend more time fixing my hair before I make my way to my class which is full of crap.

I am missing Miri like,so bloody much.I miss the beaches,outings with my friends,24 hours internet access,the food I can't get here,the comfort in my own new-painted bedroom,people that talks the same languages as me. All those familiar things.

But I am getting busy soon so hopefully it will make me to think less about my hometown.

I have no craps left to scribble about.So,I think I'll stop.

DAAAAA!.

Kedah,Here I am.

2007-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

So finally I am here.At last,back to my daily routines : doing my own laundry,waking up early at 6.30 am and endless chores which I really think I wasn't born to do.I will have limited internet access and I am no longer interested in intertaining myself with socializing.

To make it worst,I am stuck in a class with Mr DumbShit (ain't making things better), and I have T-H-R-E-E 8.am class(!!).

Looking on the bright side, this is MY LAST SEMESTER here. So wish me luck!

And oh yea,I can't wait to go for a shopping session with Platypus this coming March.

KLIA

2007-01-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah for KLIA free WI-FI.

My flight got delayed for about one and a half hour while I was in Miri and now I'm waiting for my connecting flight to Penang then will use a RM 90-taxi to Uitm.

My battery is going to die soon.LOL.

Here's a quick update. and I'm done.

BYE.

GoodBye.

2007-01-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

Today is the fourth day of the week.The fourth day of 2007.

This is my 40th post of my new blog.and tomorrow is the LAST day i will be here in Miri.I'm leaving for Kedah tomorrow.

I'm kind of sad because I will be far from this familiar surrounding.

But I'm kinda excited to go back and meet my friends!

My courtroom drama group.Oh yea,we TOTALLY SUCKED that day! I forgot my lines!!

Look at Sharul!(Right using white shirt).Look at his tie! It's flying!!

PL1C.The best class ever with the best classmates and the best lecturer.Mr Thiru.

Dayang,Kak Asma and I.

During the Law Fiesta'06. Setting the gazebo has never been so much fun than this!

I think I better start packing.

So I won't be updating that much now.

But then,I'll try. SO good day everyone. LOVESSS!

Just A Post..

2007-01-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

I'm rather sleepy now but still,my mind is still full of disturbing thoughts.

So much for a fresh start.I am feeling rather lonely these few days,friends flew off and Mitch is in the Faraway Land.Miss his sugahhh.Need it so much right now.I am starting to hate rainy days.Rain gives an impression of sad things and I don't want to be sad,I am terrified to be sad because it can lead to suicidal thoughts.

Another day before i get my ass back to Kedah.Somehow i feel kinda excited.Or maybe I'm just making that feeling up.

Blgh.I don't even know what's on my mind.

Due to my lack amount of sufficient love,I feel horribly empty.It's like my ex-boyfriend is having so much fun than I do and that's not a good sign,and a FRIEND was advising me through MSN. He was saying something like don't hurry yourself when it comes to love.Love will come to you, you don't go and search for it.

I actually listened to him,as keras kepala as I am. And yes,I'll be waiting patiently(One of my many resolutions this year which is to be more patient).

Blgh.I'm going to sleep now.

It's 12.40 pm and I swear I am listening to the sound of a helicopter at the moment. Odd hours.

the beginnings.

2007-01-01T08:46:00.001-08:00

I like babbling here.Well,since all my girl-friends went back to study in Malaya, I am all left alone with no one to talk to,and no one to bring for a Sau Pau session while bitching about..well,bitches. Karen left for KL early in the morning,didn't get the chance to say a proper goodbye and give her a hippo hug.Aysha went back to KL on Dec 23rd(but going to meet up with her somewhere in March or April) and Vanessa went back to Johore this evening.

Well,I was painting my room when Add called and asked if I could join them for a kueh-tiaw session.So unhesistately I left the roller just like that,get a quick shower and actually combed my hair in the car.It was raining heavily and I hate driving in the rain because of my poor vision. When I reached the coffeeshop I was welcomed by Add and Ken.Ken's girlfriend(she didnt even bother to look at me or say hi or something). There I was,trying hard to be nice and trying to flash a smile but she didn't even look at my direction. Okaayyyyyy,I don't know what's her problem. Maybe she's in a bad mood,time of the month,or she doesn't like Ken hanging out with us or she's just being her. So yea,I'll just leave that.

This is a new year.2007.I want to be nicer,less vengeful and smile more,even to strangers. So,my first attempt of the year failed. boohoo.

Back home,I sat down while staring at the wall,wondering of what was in my thoughts.

Bario.Mitch.Kisses and Hugs.Exboyfriend.Fling.

Seriously,I can't get Bario out of my head.I can't get Mitch out of my head.and Dex too.

What Dex and I had is LOVE.He had me changed my mind about marriage.He was the only guy I wanted to marry and grow old with.I had loved him too much till it hurts.I had loved him too much till it made him to take me for granted.

Mitch is just a guy who knows what I want.He knows what I want and he wants the same thing and not afraid of getting it.What we had and will always have is not love. A feeling.But definitely not LOVE. Passion maybe,Lust?

Someone to fool around with. yummmyyy.......... miss u.

like,a SUPER-MODEL.

2007-01-01T08:07:00.000-08:00

Even during holidays,I have to work.Even when I was in a remote area, Bario.

TG photography is so my thing!

The word "CAM-HO" is like written on my forehead.

Grandma's paddy field. Man,I look so Chinese.

What the ????

Oh Mitch....Where are you....

Tried the Black and White version.Jeez,its so hard trying to do different pose with only one prop.

Obviously ran out of pose. I need some inspiration!

Finally decided to come back to my roots. Headhuntress!

On top of the Infamous Hill in Bario. LOL.

A view of Bario Asal and Arur Layun.

Love that view,and its freezingly cold up there!!

Oh look at that pose.

Mengancam. LOL.

Papparazi took a picture of me while I was using the public phone.\

Can't you guys just leave me alone??

Finally they did.

Anyways,I have fun although I have to work during my relaxing-days,but nevermind, as long as I enjoyed it.

One final picture of me smooching a handsomeeeeeeee-ish.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

MUAkkkSSSSS!!

the end of 2006.

2006-12-31T03:43:00.000-08:00

This is the final post of the year 2006.The year which is full of tears and laughters.

This year I went to study miles from home.
This year I have found new friends.
This year I have cheated on my boyfriend,and regretted it.
This year I have lost him.
This year I was horribly devastated.
This year I fell in love with someone,and fell out of love just as quick.
This year I am closer to my brother.
This year I disappointed myself.

For breaking hearts,for letting people down,for not living up to their expectations,for not being good enough,for not giving them what they want,for not being MISS PERFECT.

For all those things I know I should've done better and for those I've should've known better.

I am thankful for what I had achieved and I am sorry for what I failed to do.

2007,hopefully,will be a better year.

Bario the total awesomeness.

2006-12-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

I'm going to say it over and over again : Bario's awesome. The short trip is definitely worth my 12 hours ass-sore ride from Miri to Pa' Berang and the nerve-wrecking 2 hours boat ride in the dark.

In the sampan,I was FREEZING,and TERRIFIED.2 freaking hours.I reached my grandfather's house at approximately 10 pm.I dozed off shortly right in front of the "fireplace".The next morning I still felt a bit sore but it never stop me from man-hunting. huahuahuahuah.

And I did saw him,itu Mr Dolphin, and we did hung out for the rest of the following days. ;P

I had fun.And I just couldn't resist a man who offered me some LOVEEEE.. LOL
just a man, A man who never fails to make me laugh like a mad gorilla with his wicked sense of humour.And a man who never fails to keep me coming back to him. Mad Mad.

Yea,I do miss him but those feelings building up inside me is not what i called LOVE.

its just some sort of a feeling. or Lust.

Fooling around is a lot of fun. And didn't I mention that I'm a bitch? I think I did.

I think I better get some sleep.Tomorrow I'm mengecat-ing my room.Gonna be a long long day.

Daa!

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-21T09:50:00.001-08:00

I am going back to Bario in less than 3 hours time. A part of me is beyond excited to go but the other part is thinking of cancelling it.

Why? I have no idea.Maybe because I will feel so far from him.Maybe we will grow a distance. Maybe I will start to miss him once I'm in Bario,which is so not helping.I could call him up,but I just don't have a good reason for doing that.

I hope this short trip to Bario is WORTH it.

So I am not going to be here in Miri during the Christmas Eve.

who cares anyways.

SO yea,Merry Christmas!!

Happiness

2006-12-21T02:34:00.000-08:00

Feeling so happy these few days.I went for an awesome picnic with my friends,I went to the Funfair and not forgetting those countless jolly outings with my buddies.

Happy.HAPPY.hApPy.

Holidays are almost over and in few weeks I am going back to Kedah and study for monthsss before my next holiday.

I'll upload LOTS of pictures later on.I'm going out(again!!) soon. LOL.

RED RED RED

2006-12-15T01:37:00.000-08:00

Since Aysha bought a red lipstick,I just might as well buy something red for myself.

And I did.

Guess what? I bought a pair of flaming-red-coloured panties.

GRRRR...

CONGRATS!

2006-12-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

YESS.

Finally,after years and yearssss of dreaming of having it,I finally pierced my ear.

And NO ONE is stopping me to get more and moorrreeee..

Asha pierced her ears too at the earlobes.So proud of her cos she had the guts to do it cos she's terrified of needles. CONGRATS btch.

Dedicated to Aysha. ENJOY.

2006-12-13T04:03:00.000-08:00

I just downloaded the Smiley Central thingy,and now im going to amuse myself.

Today,I woke up feeling a little . Maybe it was the dream I had last night, but i just can't recall what was it about.Asha was still so I woke her up,told her I was hungry.Woops,I mean I was starving since both of us cant really so we went to at Pakcik Wan Cafe.My nasi goreng ayam was and I am so looking forward for another meal soon. The end.

Actresses:

(Alau the Hippo)
(Aysha the Platypus)

Although there are obvious huge differences between us,we manage to put them aside and be the best of friends.Sha, BBF*correction : BFF* ya!

Christmas Spirit

2006-12-12T09:23:00.000-08:00

Christmas spirit is in town already~!

Aaron and I went for Christmas tree-hunting.

Look at these interesting things we found ;

These are the Christmas decoration at Servay Bhd.

And these too,but lack of Christmas colourful lights though.

And those disco-ball decorations are so glittery and all! Love it!

This is fabulous!!

This blue-ish Xmas tree is also pretty awesome!

This one is all gold and bling-bling!

SANTA! This one needs help! Santa,pimp this Xmas tree,will ya??

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! HO HO HO.

Of disapointment and shits.

2006-12-11T05:43:00.000-08:00

I really hate it when I disappoint others.

I hate it when someone texted me and expect me to reply but I ran out of credit.
I hate it when I failed in my subjects and have to tell my dad about it.
I hate it when I planned on something but have to pull out at the last minute.
I hate it when I promised to my best friend that I'll take her out but I have to cancel it.
I hate it when I have to say No when someone asked me out.
I hate it when I can't do much to help a friend who is in pain.
I hate it when I have to fake my own feelings just to make someone happy.

I hate it because I'm not entirely honest with him and with myself,but what's worst is when I have to disappoint him when I say I am over our past. I hate it when I can't be there for him as a friend and nurse him through the bad times.I so freaking hate the feeling of letting people down.

I hate my past.I don't wan't to go back there. So its either I have to go back or I have to be brutally honest.

Sometimes I just hate choices.

today as it is.

2006-12-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

I want to fall in love again. I want to feel all the wonderful feeling of loving someone and being loved in return.

But I can't.I just can't.

And I hope you know it's not because of you.It's not about you.

Always,he will.

2006-12-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

He's not that into me.He's just not that into me.

Pfft.As if i didn't know that already.Damn,those memories.Those laughs.Those smiles.Those glances.Those words.Those promises.Those everything.

How a person can change in a blink of an eye.How changes can be so dreadful and frustrating. Or how a person can be so much different that who you thought he was.

But I'm fine,I have such a wonderful life ahead of me.I have one lovely family and wonderful circle(s) of friends.

Too bad he is no longer a part of my joy and happiness.

But,as cliche as it may sounds,he will ALWAYS,ALWAYS be someone I remember for the rest of my life.

2006-12-09T21:15:00.000-08:00

Aaron came back to Miri and brought something so eye-catching from Kuching.

A ciggie.A pink ciggie.A strawberry-flavoured ciggie.And the filter is pink too! LOL.
I don't think they sell it here yet.

These are random pics of us at Esplanade.

My once-housie.huehuehue.

My chill buddy in Kuching,Chris.

We had such a great time that night and laughing our asses off.

and I miss that ciggie.

Lose,Lost,Loss.

2006-12-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

I have learned one of the many meanings of LOST and LOSS recently.We experienced it almost every other day.

I have lost my money.
I have lost my favourite ring.
I have lost a best friend.
I have lost my cousin.
I have lost my boyfriend.
I have lost my pride.
I have lost myself.

Sometimes we take things or others for granted.Then,when we lost them,we tend to appreciate them more when they're gone.

Sometimes we think of our loss as a curse or a bad karma.Very few of us accept it as a lesson of life.

It is hard when we lost some,but there is a reason for everything.Maybe,it is the time for us to appreciate all those little things in life.Say our grace when good things happen. Thank people more.Show them our love.Share our happiness.Laugh a little more.Cry only when you should.

And most of all,never take anything OR anyone for granted,because we just don't know when we might lose them and we just might don't have the chance to tell them how we really feel.

Part 2

2006-12-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

Here,as I promised.

That's Me and Izza,the birthday girl.

The view of ParkCity Everly Hotel. Better view than Marriott Resort & Spa because you can see the town and the Marina Bay.

The pool view.

That is one happy bitch.

During the dinner at Dynasty Hotel. She totally dig the guy behind her. She said grey hair is a turn-on,and I just collapsed right there and then.Kidding.And that sort-0f-candle there, reminds me of lampu pelita in Bario,back in the old days.

The pool view at night.NICE.

This is me. Huhuhaha.

Blur.Now you know why I never take picture with her next to me. She's motherfucking TALL.

You know why we're laughing?As the very proud orang ulu-s(Izza's half Kenyah), we know that thing over there,shouldn't even be up there.Those ParkCity dudes are so creative.I wish I have one of those in my bedroom. On the second thought,it looks like a gigantic..ermm..nevermind..

The pool.Feel like jumping in.

I never pose like that for a pic.Never.That must be the Chivas doing craps to my head.

That,my darling,is Malibu.

And me,all happy and shit.

Frozen Margarita.

ScrewDriver,or is it spelled with s?Not sure.

That's the cake.They're 10 candles.1 bigger,I mean fatter candle symbolises 10 years and the other 9 candles means 9 years.So she's 19,and not 10 years old. Geddat? The cake is named as Chocolate Coating.

That's the Birthday girl,and her cake.

Me and my tiny slice of cake.Don't be fooled,I ate another 2 big slices after that. Screw diet on a birthday celebration!!!

Us playing with that poor little cherry..(sexy la konon..)

Just look at those legs!Pfft!You got chainsaw ka?You have? Pass it to me! NOWW~!

One last snap before the day ends...

Eh salah..sik centre that... Another one pls..

WTF? I went "yala ko Izza,tinggi gilakkkk!!!"

Then,another one..

OK.Nice(Although Izza's head ter cut-off abit).

And one last thing.CHRISTMAS TREE.

This one here,is just GORGEOUS.

Till then.nites!

Love and Hurt

2006-12-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

I was watching Laguna Beach Season 2 episode 15,about Lauren and Jason,and that stupid little brat,Jessica.

So yea,Lauren doesn't know the real Jason so she has an excuse for hooking up with him,but it amazes me how Jessica can be so downright stooooopid.Jason has two-timed her for like 1792th times and in the end she still wants to be with that bastard.How pathetic is that?

And Jason,is almost similar to an orang utan. Talan is way hotter.

ANYWAYS,thinking about it,actually people do that quite often,running back to the person that hurt us,because we thought we can't live without that person.We thought he will like,change or smthing and forgetting that some people just don't change.EVER.

I've been there.I've done those craps.I was in a total denial,a HUGE one.I was so so want to believe that I'm his everything and he is THE ONE for me. Then, I've come to realise that love doesn't have to hurt.

It really doesn't.

Of Izza's Birthday..

2006-12-07T04:32:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY IZZA FARIHANA!!!!!
Izza celebrated her 19th birthday last Tuesday, 5th of Dec. It was fun,we chilled for awhile at a friend's room and have few rounds of Chivas.Then we had dinner at Cafe Rosita,Dynasty Hotel and then went to ParkCity Everly Hotel to get ourself cocktails.

Heading to Izza's house.Sempat take picture while stopping at the traffic light. Now that's what I call cam-ho y'all!

At the lobby.Look at Izza,she's glowing and me,I looked so fcked up,even before those drinks!

Finally,in the room with the sea view. Want to see the sea view?

There you have it.The yet-to-be-completed Marina Bay.

This one here,is I-Don't-Know-What building.Maybe a restaurant,or a replacement for the so-last-century CB. Whatever it is, as long as it looks cool,who gives a damn?!

That is the picture of the port,where the rich-and-famous put their yatchs,speedboats or what so ever I don't know..

I'll upload other pics soon. My pc mintak kenak paluk.

So kindly excuse me for awhile.Have to cari my baseball bat.

Alone..

2006-12-05T23:07:00.000-08:00

Here I am,sitting in front of the computer and torturing myself with endless and countless questions about my life and people in it.

I thought I'd be able to sleep last night,but I guess everything is so messed up till I can't bloody shut my eyes for one bloody sec.

After weeks of ignoring Mr.DamnShit,I made up my mind last night and used my new Maxis number to text him as someone else.As Alau's friend.

It went like this ;

"Alau's Friend"(Myself) : Alau pesan jgn ganggu dia lagi.
Mr DamnShit : Haa?? Nape?!!
"Alau's Friend" : Ape awak nak dr dia sebenarnye?
Mr DamnShit : Nk b'kwn..awk sape?biar die yg reply.awk xyah masuk campur!
"Alau's Friend" : Die yg suruh sy pesan kat awak.Tlg la faham.
Mr DamnShit : Ok..klu tu yg dia nak,sy xleh buat pape.
"Alau's Friend" : Thanks krn memahami.
Mr DamnShit : Ckp kat dia..jga diri bebaik..sy akn tggu hgga dia nk kwn blk dgn sy..bye..i'll
always miss her..
"Alau's Friend" : Ok.Die kate sorry.
Mr DamnShit : K..harap dia happy.
"Alau's Friend" : Die happy skrg.Awk jgn risau.
Mr DamnShit : Xpelah..tolong jga dia untk sy..bye.

Alau's friend = Myself

Ignoring him just like that just makes me feel so motherfcking guilty.I know he's so full of crap and doesnt even know it,but he's a good person.Even if he keeps on breaking my heart,it still doesn't make him a bad person.The worst thing is,I PROMISED him I'll always be there for him, but at the moment,it's not that I don't want to,its just that I can't.

And its so frustrating that he gave up on me just like that. Its so frustrating that he actually doesnt care enough. Its frustrating that I still think about him(especially today) and I hate myself for doing that.

I am frustrated.Of myself and particular people that I care about. I think,being in love,has been nothing but frustrating to me all along.Hate it so much.

Its starting to make me feel so scared to be in love again,and I'm losing my faith in love.

Bad bad karma.

lack of sleep.

2006-12-05T07:37:00.000-08:00

Just came back from ParkCity. Life's fun. I'll upload pics tomorrow.

I promise. Now I really need some sleep.

Damnshit,don't bother to contact me anymore.I don't need your existence anymore. Get a life, will ya? and oh ya, Are You Like, Fucking Retarded?

like, totally..

2006-12-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

I slept around 3 am just now and I woke up around 8 am. Pick Karen up and waited for her.Then as we drove to the town,I cant seem to stop saying "Are you fucking retarded?" to everyone!!!It was hilarious though when we said it like,every 5 secs,but then it gets annoying after a while.

We had GUESS what??

Our personal favourite NASI LEMAK(REGULAR) NAGALIAR.

LOVE it. Then I bought the BubuChaCha. Friggin yummylicious.

Right now I'm in my own room.Downloading Laguna Beach frm Ares.I seriously need to catch up with those series when now they're like airing The Hills. Kedah really makes me feel so out-dated.

The reason why I prefer Laguna Beach than OC(someone actually thought O.C means Orange Country LOL) is because i HATE Mischa Burton.She's a stick,and damn Fugly. She worths millions of dollars but she wears trash.She's just a dumbass.

I love Adam Brody.Like SOOO much.

Better get back to the Laguna Beach.Daa. Ok, pictures tonight.

Jolly Outings.

2006-12-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

I went out everyday nowadays,till I barely have time to get enough sleep.I was like sleepy when I'm driving,sleepy when I'm at the coffee shop,sleepy when I'm at the shopping complex, but as soon as I reached home,I'll feel so energetic all over again. WTF?

I didn't know holiday can be so tiring!!

Okay, I think I have to let this out. I know I am not the prettiest girl in the world.or maybe not even considered as pretty BUT there is this one person that can't stop bothering me. Yes, I did replied his msges, just trying to be nice and friendly and all because the last thing I want is him thinking I'm a stuck-up. I never failed to reply his msges except for those times when I have no credit.

And the problem is,I think he thinks that I like him, which is a BIG NO NO, since I have no such feelings towards him or anyone else for that matter. Its SICKENING because he's doing false assumption.

Oh damn, what am I supposed to do?

Aaron and Chris

2006-12-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

Went out with Aaron and Chris just now to Esplanade and Damai.Damai Restaurant I mean. We were like digging the old stories and all those stupid and funny things we did last time.

Fun Fun Fun.

Upload pics tomorrow ok?

Wait A Minute..

2006-12-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

Damn,I was just blabbering about how happy I WAS when my mobile beeped.

1 message received.

Damnshit : Gudnite.

I didnt reply his previous messages.I mean,he doesn't have to do that actually. Sending me those CRAPPY wishes when he doesnt really care.

He really dont want to me to forget about him is it? How la if I WANTED TO?? Too bad nobody will care for him AS MUCH as I DID.Get that you asshole,past tense.

Dare me you bastard and you're gonna kiss your sorry ass goodbye!

Almost Perfect.

2006-12-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

I LOVE it when life is great,and it feels so unreal to be happy.so freaking happy.

What makes it more unreal is the hardcore fact that I am single,unattached, and happy.I always thought my life is all about the superior kind of human being=man.Its like,I need a man to make me feel like I'm on top of the world and I always thought I can't live without one,although they are likely the ones who makes my life so miserable.

What nourishes me also destroys me.

And it suprises me how my life turns out to be when I am not really torturing myself about a man.Sometimes I wonder about those who are so much in love and I thought,well, good for them if its working out fine. It really doesn't matter if you're single or attached.What matters the most is what makes you happy.

and oh ya,I have my awesome friends that I' so grateful for.

LIFE IS JUST AWESOME. If only I can make the time stop ticking and just enjoy the GLORIOUS moments.

Funny

2006-11-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

It's 3 a.m and I can't sleep.I slept from 6.30pm till 10.30 pm and maybe that explains why I can't bloody sleep!!

Anyways I read someone's blog and OMG, he is SOOOOOO jiwang(not that I'm not).. I mean I know how he is and reading that post makes me feel like laughing. LOL. Its a good thing that guys can be all touchy feely sometimes.They don't really have to act macho and all because it gets irritating after a while.So yes,although its funny,its still cute-ish.

Today's a bad bad day and I hate the feeling of hating people that I'm not supposed to hate but do hate them because its not even an option.

*sigh*

I'm missing my digital camera already. and outingS with friends.

So yea,whatever bitches.

Just when I thought...

2006-11-28T06:51:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I couldn't be bothered anymore..
Just when I thought your memories don't mean a thing anymore..
Just when I thought my love for you is not there anymore..
Just when I thought I am finally over you..

But when I knew, I realised, DAMN!! you are still THERE,at the back of my twisted mind.

LOVE..don't be such a BITCH and don't give me a hard time.

And you Mr.DamnShit,somehow you'll be gone from my head. SOON. maybe not now, but SOON.

f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

2006-11-26T23:54:00.000-08:00

Chatted with Mr.Ex Boyfriend yesterday.Finally,its okay for me to say that we are friends. I never thought we can go back being as friends after the relationship went to the dumpster,but we did and I'm pretty much happy.

Sometimes,thinking back about it,I feel like I don't deserve to be happy at all.Or I should deserve all the happiness in the world?..

It's nobody's fault.It's just that when things go wrong,we tend to blame others for it.We don't really see our flaws and we expected too much from that person,not realizing that no one is perfect in this world.

Yes,I agree with the saying "experience is the best teacher". We have to get the taste of both sides.Sun will not always shines,but things will be better.

At the moment, life is okay.It's fun. Not miserable,and it doesnt get me over the rainbow either.

And it's perfectly fine,knowing that I have termendous good friends that always colour my life brightly.

For Mr.Right, I'll take my sweet time in finding you.

life but not as I know it.

2006-11-25T07:10:00.001-08:00

I'm in Miri for exactly 1 week already,and although I'm missing my friends back in Kedah, I am having a blast here.My besties are here and I get the chance to spend my time with them and its helluva fun.

Izza and Aysha. Eating jeruk. So teruja right?

Three monkeys by the seaside.

Izza kek and Asha mbeng.

ME and Aysha.

Our heels.killer heels.

People just enjoying the moment.

Awesomeness...

One of God's beautiful creation. Love it.

I love beaches!!!!and its so the very awesome when you're there with someone who means the world to you..

Anyone want to accompany me for a walk on the beach??

Housemaid.

2006-11-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

Today my job is as a housemaid. I was cleaning up the house all day till I got exhausted and slept for like 4 hours.

I woke up arnd 10 a.m.

After waking up in the morning and showered,I started my mission.
My attire was :

I was using the "thing" because I shampooed my hair and yea,I put on my favourite pair of boxers.

First,I started with my bed. BEWARE. COLOUR OF THE BEDSHEET MIGHT BE HARMFUL TO YOUR EYES.

Don't say I didnt warn you about the colour. Okay,so both are so not nice and so not cute but I never shop for my own bedsheet before.Instead I leave that to my mom. But i have learnt my lesson. When I saw that selimut, its like a piece from the 70's Show. LOL. Retro.awesome.

Then i moved to my supposed-to-be study table.

Not much difference rite? That's because I was starting to get lazy. LOL. Then I stopped right away.Couldn't be bothered with my computer table and closet anymore.

I so can't be a housemaid.So not me.

Want to see the real me??

THERE. Sitting lazily on the sofa and eating chocolate. FAT-ASS bitch!!!

I need a new occupation.So tomorrow I'm trying to be a driver.

Wish me Luck y'all!

bad dream

2006-11-21T18:22:00.000-08:00

I posted the last entry b4 I went to bed. Holy cow,i went on dreaming about that guy,which is not good because I will miss him even more today.

SO, whatever.

Hmm,I planned to wake up like.. 7.30 to clean up my room,but as usual I woke up 3 hours late. After this,I'm going to shower and do all the stuff I have to do.

Oh shit,my dad went to Bintulu.Does it mean that I have to cook?????

Oh God,please guide me when I am preparing the food later on for lunch so that nobody will be harmed.Amen.

Till then.

Hari Ini, Esok dan Seterusnya - Nirina Zubir

2006-11-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

cinta cinta cinta....
aku jatuh cinta....

J.a.t.u.h.c.i.n.t.a.

That song is very significant to me.I knew this guy at the beginning of the year. He is this quite type of guy.Very funny in his own way,and I like to tease him. Then I dont know how it happened, but I started to fall for him.When i say fall,i fall HARD. He is just so cute-ish.

But i don't own his heart.And he likes to make me sakit hati,which he thinks is cute by doing so.
He would go and break my heart OVER and OVER again,till i cried n swear to not THINK about him again after that.

But a few minutes later,he would come back and apologize.He would say all sorts of sweet things and i gave in.

Day by day,my feelings towards him are getting stronger and it's killing me.Somtimes i pity myself, for not having the strength to stand up for myself and letting other people makes me feel sad and treat me like a doormat.

Everything's cool now. I'd be lying if i say I didnt think of him at all now. In fact,he still lingers in my mind.I still wait for his messages.I miss his GoodNight wishes.I miss crying because of him.I miss being merajuk and let him pujuk me. I miss all that.

I promised him that I will always be with him,against all odd. Maybe soon i will fall out of love with him, but I think he should know that i am one person he can always count on.

We are still friends,although we don't really talk to each other. We don't even look at each others' faces for heaven's sakes. BUT he have to know that he can always rely on me.

After all those craps,i can't deny that he still owns my heart.Even until this very moment i still long to hold his hands.Look into his eyes..and whisper to his ears,that i will always be with him.

Anyways,this is a TOAST to us. I promised myself that i will try my best so that whenever i meet you next time,i won't have the urge to kiss you right away.

LOL,you know what I mean right?

HE is beautiful.and I am crazy.

crazy/beautiful.

awesome-ness.

Run Baby Run

2006-11-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

Smile baby smile
then hurt me like you mean it
hurt me so much like I deserve it
Because nothing is forever
then leave me leave me
and never look back
Because I just might not let you go
So run baby run..

me? cam-whore?

2006-11-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

Picture-taking has been changing dramatically over the years. Before people doesn't really take it seriously.It is more of a hobby.or an interest.

But now,in this high-tech era,it is MUCH MORE than JUST a hobby,it is now an ADDICTION. an OBSSESSION. and a very dangerous and contageous DISEASE.

ME, I am proudly a self-proclaimed cam-whore.Maybe no longer a self-proclaimed. which is a good sign,really. I take pictures of me all the time and I think its pretty normal for us girls to be vain.

So, next time you see me in public, snapping pictures of myself, don't bitch about it.

THE ABSOLUTE.

That pic was taken few months ago when i just got the digital camera. cuba-try in my own room.

That is just a pose. Not intended to offend anyone.

But im not the only one around that is a cam-whore.i have just the right picture of someone who shares the same interest.

So, I'm presenting......(drum rolls pls..)

NURUL AYSHA(!!!!)

and again

and AGAIN...

she's my bestie and man,she takes A-L-O-T of pictures.

whatever it is, cam-whoring is A LOT OF FUN!!

coffeebean-ing

2006-11-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, its true that i gave up on caffeine a long time ago,but it doesnt mean i cant lepak at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf rite?

I ordered Pure Chocolate(which is pure heaven),regular.

Awesome companion,my cousins, Vanessa and Jeremy and my bestie, Karen. We were having a blast,chit-chatting while hmm,u knw me..cam-whored for awhile.Too bad there were no cute guys around. LOL.

here's a few pics. ENJOYS.

Karen ordered Caramel... something.

That's me. And Jeremy. I was posing actually. VAIN!

Candid!

And you know one of my favourite things in this world?

CHRISTMAS TREE!!! and this one is so awesomely GORGEOUS.

a new one.

2006-11-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

I've decided to open a new blog,since my previous blog contains my past,and i hate thinking abt my past.that particular past.

so this is it.a new blog.a fresh start.