Alone..

Here I am,sitting in front of the computer and torturing myself with endless and countless questions about my life and people in it.

I thought I'd be able to sleep last night,but I guess everything is so messed up till I can't bloody shut my eyes for one bloody sec.

After weeks of ignoring Mr.DamnShit,I made up my mind last night and used my new Maxis number to text him as someone else.As Alau's friend.

It went like this ;

"Alau's Friend"(Myself) : Alau pesan jgn ganggu dia lagi.
Mr DamnShit : Haa?? Nape?!!
"Alau's Friend" : Ape awak nak dr dia sebenarnye?
Mr DamnShit : Nk b'kwn..awk sape?biar die yg reply.awk xyah masuk campur!
"Alau's Friend" : Die yg suruh sy pesan kat awak.Tlg la faham.
Mr DamnShit : Ok..klu tu yg dia nak,sy xleh buat pape.
"Alau's Friend" : Thanks krn memahami.
Mr DamnShit : Ckp kat dia..jga diri bebaik..sy akn tggu hgga dia nk kwn blk dgn sy..bye..i'll
always miss her..
"Alau's Friend" : Ok.Die kate sorry.
Mr DamnShit : K..harap dia happy.
"Alau's Friend" : Die happy skrg.Awk jgn risau.
Mr DamnShit : Xpelah..tolong jga dia untk sy..bye.

Alau's friend = Myself

Ignoring him just like that just makes me feel so motherfcking guilty.I know he's so full of crap and doesnt even know it,but he's a good person.Even if he keeps on breaking my heart,it still doesn't make him a bad person.The worst thing is,I PROMISED him I'll always be there for him, but at the moment,it's not that I don't want to,its just that I can't.

And its so frustrating that he gave up on me just like that. Its so frustrating that he actually doesnt care enough. Its frustrating that I still think about him(especially today) and I hate myself for doing that.

I am frustrated.Of myself and particular people that I care about. I think,being in love,has been nothing but frustrating to me all along.Hate it so much.

Its starting to make me feel so scared to be in love again,and I'm losing my faith in love.

Bad bad karma.