bitching session

SO yea,I failed to entertain myself this time.Like always.

Got distracted for a while,but then I am BACK in my little miserable old world. *sigh*. Why is it my heart is so difficult to please?

Blgh.

You know, I hate it when someone in my past comes back in my life and trying to convince me that I still have feelings for him.You know,like "I missed you..Only now I realised that you are special to me.."

OH BLOOODY CRAP!

WE are so over that phase right?It's not working.EVER.

NO,it's not.

But you know,I am always bored,RIGHT?

LAYAN JAK LA HOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I missed my love kamikaze.and hate the same time,I hate him for making me having these feelings.and it makes me wanting him more.More than ever.

But then again, I'll get over him too.

BECAUSE I AM NOT READY TO GET ANOTHER MAJOR HEARTBREAK.I am sick of love.

Life SUCKS.

There.

I admit that I am always in constant denial.I always pretend that life is all awesome when actually its NOT.I always think that I still believe in the thing called LOVE,but the truth is i have lost my faith in that fucked up thing. I always end up screwing either my life,his life or both and that is not a good thing.I thought getting to know some guys and getting into a new relationship will eventually change my perception on love,but I guess it takes a lot more than that to make things go back to where it supposed to be.

Maybe I should leave it just like that,cos the more i think of it,the more it gets into my mind and twisting my brain.Maybe being with the person I love is not as good as being with the person that loves me.

Maybe it is never my mistake.Maybe when I let him know that he's my everything,he takes me for granted.

Maybe guys are naturally like that.Maybe when I am in love with him,I never realise or I never seem to care about those craps and in the end,I let it all get the best of me.

Maybe I am such a stupid person to cry over things that happened.Maybe I never learn from past experience.Maybe I JUST DON'T GET IT.

OH CRAP.

THIS IS JUST ONE DAMNED THING AFTER ANOTHER. I WILL GET OVER IT.

updates.

Sorry for the lack of updates.assignments, a 12000 words report and two 600 words reports have been such pain in the asses. I am suffocated by those never-ending workloads. HATE IT like,so fcking much.

LOL.but dats the opportunity cost of what I am going(hopefully) to be in a few years.

other than that,life's fun.

I FEEL SO LOVED. huahuahua.

FCKED UP.

I think it's amazing how a person can be so fucking annoying,and it's FUCKED UP thing, BIG TIME.

I fucking hate that person.Hate him for putting that face of innocence.
I hate him for continously wishing me goodnight.
I hate him because he succeed in fooling me.
I hate him for not feeling the same way.
I hate him for not allowing me to forget him.
I hate him because he still wanders in my fucked up mind.
I hate him for still existing in my life.
I hate him because he still means so much to me.
and I hate myself for allowing him to do so.

In Your Blood.

I can't stay over you.
It seems we drive forever but can never get away from here, just one more try.
I'm guessing you are over me, I guess it's bravery.
Because it's black out the window while you sleep in the passenger seat.
So when it's always on your mind but you never speak of the name.
It's in your blood and face and I'm certain it's fame.
So I stayed out in the car because the weather had gotten to me.
But its really these road signs and freeways that I cant take.
This can't be how you live.
It's like a ball and chain around your waist or this simple state.
Your mind's sick again.
I'm tasting nothing but 4 words, please don't leave me.
And it's Dark in the winter so your ideas start to sleep.
Well your head is spinning like that carousel, and I know you're a mess after 3 or 4.
But if you make it different then we'll make our way to the surface, and you favorite place. Where we sit, and we breath.
Because I know all the word and I sing you everything.
Well they're just thoughts so go ahead and speak.
Pick out what you like and call me when you're on the way.
You can spend the night and hope to sleep all day.
For me its just another week, twenty eight was once how I dreamed.
And with your sent on my face I can leave and have you for days.
I still can't see you. The summer came and we got lost, all of us.
I still wont remember your face, the features mix too well with this alcohol.
So we cover ourselves in your fear, and stay to watch that moon disappear under these lights. This city's screaming at me.
And as you breathe the words I better go.
The sun is up and taking back all the shadows that covered this ground, and our feet, like a blanket of coal.

NEW HAIRCUT

OLD PICTURE.


was taken a few weeks ago,back when my hair was still longg..and unevenly coloured. my cascading brownish-black hair. LOL.





AFTER. chopped hair.layered and unruly. evenly coloured though. and more time to manage.

I HATE MY HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Same crap another day

After only a few hours of sleep,due to the endless touch-ups and editing for the law assignment, at the moment I feel fatigue.Tiredness is overwhelming and I can barely seem stay focus during the 8.am class.

I hate my class.I can't seem to focus with him being in the same room and breathing the same air as me. I hate that innocent look of his. I hate it. I HATE it.

I admit I am a wreck.Sometimes I am all over the place.Sometimes I can't think straight,I don't know what I want.. blgh.

I NEED SOME MAJOR CHANGES.

Assignments within the 1st week.

I am always looking forward to lab session because that is my only time to access Internet. The thing is I forgot to bring my memory card reader so that I can upload new pictures with my *ehem* new haircut. It sucks actually,cos I have to spend more time fixing my hair before I make my way to my class which is full of crap.

I am missing Miri like,so bloody much.I miss the beaches,outings with my friends,24 hours internet access,the food I can't get here,the comfort in my own new-painted bedroom,people that talks the same languages as me. All those familiar things.

But I am getting busy soon so hopefully it will make me to think less about my hometown.

I have no craps left to scribble about.So,I think I'll stop.

DAAAAA!.

Kedah,Here I am.

So finally I am here.At last,back to my daily routines : doing my own laundry,waking up early at 6.30 am and endless chores which I really think I wasn't born to do.I will have limited internet access and I am no longer interested in intertaining myself with socializing.

To make it worst,I am stuck in a class with Mr DumbShit (ain't making things better), and I have T-H-R-E-E 8.am class(!!).

Looking on the bright side, this is MY LAST SEMESTER here. So wish me luck!

And oh yea,I can't wait to go for a shopping session with Platypus this coming March.

KLIA

Hallelujah for KLIA free WI-FI.

My flight got delayed for about one and a half hour while I was in Miri and now I'm waiting for my connecting flight to Penang then will use a RM 90-taxi to Uitm.

My battery is going to die soon.LOL.

Here's a quick update. and I'm done.

BYE.

GoodBye.

Today is the fourth day of the week.The fourth day of 2007.

This is my 40th post of my new blog.and tomorrow is the LAST day i will be here in Miri.I'm leaving for Kedah tomorrow.

I'm kind of sad because I will be far from this familiar surrounding.

But I'm kinda excited to go back and meet my friends!



My courtroom drama group.Oh yea,we TOTALLY SUCKED that day! I forgot my lines!!



Look at Sharul!(Right using white shirt).Look at his tie! It's flying!!



PL1C.The best class ever with the best classmates and the best lecturer.Mr Thiru.



Dayang,Kak Asma and I.



During the Law Fiesta'06. Setting the gazebo has never been so much fun than this!

I think I better start packing.

So I won't be updating that much now.

But then,I'll try. SO good day everyone. LOVESSS!

Just A Post..

I'm rather sleepy now but still,my mind is still full of disturbing thoughts.

So much for a fresh start.I am feeling rather lonely these few days,friends flew off and Mitch is in the Faraway Land.Miss his sugahhh.Need it so much right now.I am starting to hate rainy days.Rain gives an impression of sad things and I don't want to be sad,I am terrified to be sad because it can lead to suicidal thoughts.

Another day before i get my ass back to Kedah.Somehow i feel kinda excited.Or maybe I'm just making that feeling up.

Blgh.I don't even know what's on my mind.

Due to my lack amount of sufficient love,I feel horribly empty.It's like my ex-boyfriend is having so much fun than I do and that's not a good sign,and a FRIEND was advising me through MSN. He was saying something like don't hurry yourself when it comes to love.Love will come to you, you don't go and search for it.

I actually listened to him,as keras kepala as I am. And yes,I'll be waiting patiently(One of my many resolutions this year which is to be more patient).

Blgh.I'm going to sleep now.

It's 12.40 pm and I swear I am listening to the sound of a helicopter at the moment. Odd hours.

the beginnings.

I like babbling here.Well,since all my girl-friends went back to study in Malaya, I am all left alone with no one to talk to,and no one to bring for a Sau Pau session while bitching about..well,bitches. Karen left for KL early in the morning,didn't get the chance to say a proper goodbye and give her a hippo hug.Aysha went back to KL on Dec 23rd(but going to meet up with her somewhere in March or April) and Vanessa went back to Johore this evening.

Well,I was painting my room when Add called and asked if I could join them for a kueh-tiaw session.So unhesistately I left the roller just like that,get a quick shower and actually combed my hair in the car.It was raining heavily and I hate driving in the rain because of my poor vision. When I reached the coffeeshop I was welcomed by Add and Ken.Ken's girlfriend(she didnt even bother to look at me or say hi or something). There I was,trying hard to be nice and trying to flash a smile but she didn't even look at my direction. Okaayyyyyy,I don't know what's her problem. Maybe she's in a bad mood,time of the month,or she doesn't like Ken hanging out with us or she's just being her. So yea,I'll just leave that.

This is a new year.2007.I want to be nicer,less vengeful and smile more,even to strangers. So,my first attempt of the year failed. boohoo.

Back home,I sat down while staring at the wall,wondering of what was in my thoughts.

Bario.Mitch.Kisses and Hugs.Exboyfriend.Fling.

Seriously,I can't get Bario out of my head.I can't get Mitch out of my head.and Dex too.

What Dex and I had is LOVE.He had me changed my mind about marriage.He was the only guy I wanted to marry and grow old with.I had loved him too much till it hurts.I had loved him too much till it made him to take me for granted.

Mitch is just a guy who knows what I want.He knows what I want and he wants the same thing and not afraid of getting it.What we had and will always have is not love. A feeling.But definitely not LOVE. Passion maybe,Lust?



Someone to fool around with. yummmyyy.......... miss u.

like,a SUPER-MODEL.

Even during holidays,I have to work.Even when I was in a remote area, Bario.

TG photography is so my thing!

The word "CAM-HO" is like written on my forehead.

Grandma's paddy field. Man,I look so Chinese.



What the ????



Oh Mitch....Where are you....



Tried the Black and White version.Jeez,its so hard trying to do different pose with only one prop.



Obviously ran out of pose. I need some inspiration!



Finally decided to come back to my roots. Headhuntress!



On top of the Infamous Hill in Bario. LOL.



A view of Bario Asal and Arur Layun.



Love that view,and its freezingly cold up there!!



Oh look at that pose.



Mengancam. LOL.



Papparazi took a picture of me while I was using the public phone.\



Can't you guys just leave me alone??

Finally they did.

Anyways,I have fun although I have to work during my relaxing-days,but nevermind, as long as I enjoyed it.

One final picture of me smooching a handsomeeeeeeee-ish.

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MUAkkkSSSSS!!